Never alone!

I really struggle being a mother. I am not some hard-core career woman who is missing her job because when I used to work full-time I dreamt of the day I would be a full-time stay at home mother. So why do I struggle so much?

The truth is that I am really a loner. I learnt when I was living in a share house with six other people in London that I really like my own company.

Even as a new bride I liked my alone time. Lynden used to go out on Wednesday nights to a band thing and I used to look forward to that night. It was one night a week I could veg out and do whatever I wanted alone!

So the struggle for me as a mother is that I am rarely alone. This has been the biggest shock of mothering to me. When it was just the two girls I did have some alone time but now with a baby in the house again these moments are few and far between.

At lunch today I had a baby in the highchair crying out for food, Emily asking me to get her something and Jessica making loud noises about something too and all while I was trying to get three different meals ready (one baby meal, one gluten free meal and one normal meal for Jess). I felt very frazzled and told Emily she had to learn to be patient.

Sarah, my very wise friend, calmly proceeded to ask Emily a set of questions.

Sarah, "Emily, are you a big girl?"
Emily, "Yes"
Sarah, "Can you do things all by yourself?"
Emily, "Yes"
Sarah, "Can Benjamin do things all by himself?"
Emily, "No"
Sarah, "So do you think mummy has to do things for Ben sometimes before she can do the things you want her to do for you?"
Emily, "Yes, because Ben can't do them himself"
Sarah, "That's right, and because you are big do you think you could get down and get that thing by yourself"

And then Emily did get down and help herself as she should have probably done in the first place. Now why didn't I think of that? Why didn't I come up with that lesson? The truth is that I didn't want to teach a lesson, I just wanted quiet and peace and to be alone at that very moment...

I know I am a good mother and I know my kiddies love me and that we get through the day quite well most of the time but I think I will always struggle with the lack of alone time and the severe lack of head space.

One day my kids will be all grown up and I will have that precious alone time that I currently crave in abundance. I am sure I will look back on this picture with longing and wonder where did the time go.